Quick update that I should have gotten around to three days ago: The funeral is on Wednesday. I will be flying out at 6am tomorrow and will return on Friday. I have not checked LJ since Thursday and will not be checking it until post Sunday. I apologise for anything I have or will miss during my absence.
Now, proof that I really do write to keep myself calm and sane, I sat down and write a short, COMPLETELY TRUE comedy piece. I don’t do comedy well or often, so hopefully you’ll all enjoy this one. No editing feedback requested. Maybe if you like this, you can link some friends.
RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Tag Style Disaster.
As a professional, one of the most common questions people have for me is:
“How can I create my own disaster?”
These aren’t people who want a professional level of disaster, just something they can create in their own home with minimal experience and tools. With so many disasters on TV and in the news, it’s hard to know where to get started on a casual level so I’m going to write this recipe for disaster in the hope many of you amateurs will see it’s not hard to get started on your own.
YOU WILL NEED:
1 large desk or table.
2 cats
1 fish tank
1 computer
1-3 books or finished artworks
1 bucket
For this recipe I used a 28 litre nano fish tank with an under gravel filter. It’s important to have live occupants in the tank, however you can go larger than 28 litres if you prefer. Avoid tanks larger than 150 litres, however, as the cats will have trouble accessing them.
I know some of you may struggle to obtain two cats for this disaster. I believe it can be created with a passable result with one cat if your second cat is otherwise disposed. I actually had three cats on hand for this disaster, but only two showed up. Three cats probably would be excessive for this level of disaster and the addition of cats will require alterations to the other ingredients. If you do add more cats, try doubling the number of buckets and books, or even setting up a second computer or laptop.
I have heard of people substituting the computer for other critical household items, such as expensive and detailed projects that are due at work or university the next day. I suggest these substitute the books or artwork instead, as it is vital to have an electric component to complete the disaster.
Also, while some people may suggest overfilling your bucket, I find that gives the disaster a forced feel, and you may as well purchase a disaster instead of creating your own, such as a dell computer or any take away food from a dubious supplier.
The first step in the disaster is to insure the computer, fish tank and books or artwork are all together on the table. For this disaster, I used my travel itinerary, the list of things I needed to pack for my flight tomorrow and a brand new, unread Karin Slaughter novel. Be creative here. Any important books or paper products will do. Just married? Put that marriage licence to good use!
Then, with the bucket, you should proceed with an attempt to change the water in your fish tank. It’s preferable this is an emergency and that you have freshly mopped floors. A time limit is fantastic at this stage. Remove all lids or covers from the tank and begin siphoning the dirty water into the bucket. The cats should both be assisting you at this point. It is important they are both wet to the elbow attempting to catch the live tank occupants. Water drinking, water spillage and destruction of property may all begin immediately.
The full level of destruction can be enhanced by leaving the room to fill the bucket with fresh water. One cat should remain with the tank while the other accompanies you. If all goes well this should result in immense damage and possibly personal injury as the unsupervised cat is free to disperse the water and tank occupants in your absence. The other cat will find some way to hinder your process, such as: falling in and tipping over the bucket, clawing you, racing into your bed sopping wet and tripping you over.
As with all good disasters, particularly those with live aquatic animals and electronic devices, the disaster should then continue to escalate for a further twenty minutes.
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