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17 August 2009 @ 10:50 am
Tag Style  

Quick update that I should have gotten around to three days ago: The funeral is on Wednesday. I will be flying out at 6am tomorrow and will return on Friday. I have not checked LJ since Thursday and will not be checking it until post Sunday. I apologise for anything I have or will miss during my absence.

 

Now, proof that I really do write to keep myself calm and sane, I sat down and write a short, COMPLETELY TRUE comedy piece. I don’t do comedy well or often, so hopefully you’ll all enjoy this one. No editing feedback requested. Maybe if you like this, you can link some friends.

 

 

 

RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Tag Style Disaster.

 

As a professional, one of the most common questions people have for me is:

 

“How can I create my own disaster?”

 

These aren’t people who want a professional level of disaster, just something they can create in their own home with minimal experience and tools. With so many disasters on TV and in the news, it’s hard to know where to get started on a casual level so I’m going to write this recipe for disaster in the hope many of you amateurs will see it’s not hard to get started on your own.

 

YOU WILL NEED:

 

1 large desk or table.

2 cats

1 fish tank

1 computer

1-3 books or finished artworks

1 bucket

 

For this recipe I used a 28 litre nano fish tank with an under gravel filter. It’s important to have live occupants in the tank, however you can go larger than 28 litres if you prefer. Avoid tanks larger than 150 litres, however, as the cats will have trouble accessing them.

 

I know some of you may struggle to obtain two cats for this disaster. I believe it can be created with a passable result with one cat if your second cat is otherwise disposed. I actually had three cats on hand for this disaster, but only two showed up. Three cats probably would be excessive for this level of disaster and the addition of cats will require alterations to the other ingredients. If you do add more cats, try doubling the number of buckets and books, or even setting up a second computer or laptop.

 

I have heard of people substituting the computer for other critical household items, such as expensive and detailed projects that are due at work or university the next day.  I suggest these substitute the books or artwork instead, as it is vital to have an electric component to complete the disaster.

 

Also, while some people may suggest overfilling your bucket, I find that gives the disaster a forced feel, and you may as well purchase a disaster instead of creating your own, such as a dell computer or any take away food from a dubious supplier.

 

The first step in the disaster is to insure the computer, fish tank and books or artwork are all together on the table. For this disaster, I used my travel itinerary, the list of things I needed to pack for my flight tomorrow and a brand new, unread Karin Slaughter novel. Be creative here. Any important books or paper products will do. Just married? Put that marriage licence to good use!

 

Then, with the bucket, you should proceed with an attempt to change the water in your fish tank. It’s preferable this is an emergency and that you have freshly mopped floors. A time limit is fantastic at this stage. Remove all lids or covers from the tank and begin siphoning the dirty water into the bucket. The cats should both be assisting you at this point. It is important they are both wet to the elbow attempting to catch the live tank occupants. Water drinking, water spillage and destruction of property may all begin immediately.

 

The full level of destruction can be enhanced by leaving the room to fill the bucket with fresh water. One cat should remain with the tank while the other accompanies you. If all goes well this should result in immense damage and possibly personal injury as the unsupervised cat is free to disperse the water and tank occupants in your absence. The other cat will find some way to hinder your process, such as: falling in and tipping over the bucket, clawing you, racing into your bed sopping wet and tripping you over.

 

As with all good disasters, particularly those with live aquatic animals and electronic devices, the disaster should then continue to escalate for a further twenty minutes.

 
 
Current Mood: workingworking
 
 
 
kagechikara: American Gothic Batmankagechikara on August 17th, 2009 02:39 am (UTC)
... A day in the life of Tag.
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 17th, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
Then with the shrimp mocking and the ham...
mirrorred_starmirrorred_star on August 17th, 2009 09:21 am (UTC)
Tag: walking disaster zone.
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 21st, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
It's true. Sometimes I wonder if I bring these things on myself, or if I'm just special that way. :P
mirrorred_starmirrorred_star on August 22nd, 2009 11:28 am (UTC)
Well, I think you're special, even without the disaster zone that goes wherever you do :P
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 22nd, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
Good special or bad special?

It keeps life interesting anyway! :D
mirrorred_starmirrorred_star on August 25th, 2009 12:26 am (UTC)
Definately good-special.

And hey, muse food! NOM!
talithakalagotalithakalago on September 9th, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC)
I think my muse overate and died. :D
mirrorred_starmirrorred_star on September 28th, 2009 06:05 am (UTC)
:(

*resuscitates muse*
(Deleted comment)
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 21st, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
Water + cats + live prey = fun!
(Deleted comment)
yaoi_slut on August 18th, 2009 05:23 am (UTC)
Haha, it made me laugh. Good job. I thought it was cute and clever. Though a little sad, heh.
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 21st, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
Sad = messy, right?
yaoi_slut on September 9th, 2009 09:13 am (UTC)
Sad= I feel your pain on some level, but you truly do seem to have a lot of chaotic moments. XD My life can be like a situation comedy, but yours is more of a slapstick Ben Stiller movie.
talithakalagotalithakalago on September 9th, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
Everyday continues to provide new chaos for my own personal entertainment.
Writing Fiendelysiadawnielle on March 17th, 2010 12:00 am (UTC)
Hey, are you ever coming back? We haven't heard from you in so long, I'm wondering if you're okay. Hope everything is all right!
talithakalagotalithakalago on November 26th, 2010 12:22 am (UTC)
I am back! We can all rejoice!
Writing Fiendelysiadawnielle on November 28th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC)
Since it's been awhile, I just want to double check that you know who this is. You're also friends with my other journal, and we've been chatting a bit. Please don't say the name if you know it, though. I'm trying to distance myself from it.
talithakalagotalithakalago on November 28th, 2010 08:36 pm (UTC)
I confess I'm not 100% sure. I remember you had two, but I also remember you wanted to keep them seperate so I vaguely remember I was acting like they were different so I didn't accidentally get confused over what you posted where. If that makes sense. You can PM me, if you want to remind me.
Writing Fiendelysiadawnielle on November 29th, 2010 05:36 am (UTC)
Sure, I'll send you a message. ^^
talithakalagotalithakalago on November 29th, 2010 09:05 pm (UTC)
And all will be revealed!
Vince Valentinevincevalentine on August 18th, 2009 01:41 pm (UTC)
Haha, that is a good recipe!
I wonder if it will work with just one cat though xD
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 21st, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
I think so. Maybe if the cat is fed at a certain time, you can hold off feeding it a half hour so it is hysterical when you attempt the disaster.
writerwench on August 18th, 2009 02:26 pm (UTC)
Heeheehee! Sorry, it wouldn't have been at all funny in real life, but the way you related it was pure comic gold. Absolutely brilliant.

So... did any fish survive?
talithakalagotalithakalago on August 21st, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC)
They were shrimp, in this case. I had to wrestle a few out of Elliot's mouth, but I think I only lost one in the end! A very successful attempt to clean the fish tank, overall. -.-